In the original chapter one of SEEING MAGIC I’d used the word WAS/WERE fifty-five times. In just one paragraph, I’d used it eight times. In the same paragraph, I used the word COULD three times and IT five times.
After twenty minutes it was clear that the crisis was over. I’d wiped up my brother, tossed the used wipes into the baggie, zipped it up and gave it all to the nice lady who was rapidly becoming less nice. I opened the ginger ale and convinced Corey to take the pills. I made him take three, just to be sure. Even though it was daytime, Corey was slumped on my shoulder, snoring softly. If I was lucky, he wouldn’t wake until we were three thousand miles from home. I reclined his seat back a notch and pulled my seat all the way upright. I took the pillow given to me by the flight attendant and tucked it into the little niche I’d created between the seats. Then I settled Corey into the niche so I could get my shoulder back. I probably should have given him the window seat since there was a smaller chance of nausea if you could see the horizon but he’d insisted that he wanted to sit in the aisle so he could easily get to the bathroom.
The crisis lasted almost twenty minutes. I cleaned my brother’s face, tossed the used wipes into the baggie, zipped and handed it to the nice lady who was rapidly becoming less nice. Opening the ginger ale, I convinced Corey to take the pills. He slumped on my shoulder, snoring softly. Hopefully, he wouldn’t wake for three thousand miles. Reclining his seat back a notch and pulling my seat all the way upright, I took the pillow given to me by the flight attendant and tucked it into the little niche created between the seats. Then I settled Corey into the space and retrieved my shoulder. He should have taken the window seat since there was a smaller chance of nausea if you could see the horizon but he’d insisted on sitting in the aisle so as to be closer to the bathroom.
Other common mistakes are as follows:
Using the same word to start sentences
Using passive verbs instead of active verbs
Using vague and abstract words
Ending sentences with a preposition
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